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Fetus feels bad for appropriating the imagery of fallen veterans

student orgs


George Washington University


- satire

Fetus feels bad for appropriating the imagery of fallen veterans

Zoe Waldman

J.R. Youngblut


ARLINGTON, VA—After the pro-life student organization, Young America's Foundation, held a demonstration on Tuesday in Kogan Plaza where they arranged rows of white crosses in tribute to the potential lives lost to abortion, one unborn fetus expressed their uneasiness with likening the politics of abortion to the deaths of American veterans buried at Arlington Cemetery.

The fetus, who's name and gender will be revealed at his mother's baby shower next month, said in an interview via sonogram that they "have nothing but respect for our troops," and that they were "embarrassed to be lumped into the same category as an American service member."

The fetus went on to explain that they have met with other zygotes who were similarly perturbed by YAF's symbolic appropriation. "After Lamaze class, I started chatting with some of my fellow fetuses, and I can say that we're all a little uncomfortable. I mean, obviously there were hurt feelings for both parties involved. But like, soldiers serve their country. If anything, we've been nothing but parasites thus far; constantly kicking, begging for obscure craveable foods, and flopping around on our mothers' bladders for no reason. It just doesn't feel like a fair comparison."

Other fetuses raised the issue of diversity within the demonstration. “We really are a diverse group of cells, and I want the students to know that. Even if our parents decide to abort us, not all of us would even be comfortable with a Christian burial. Most of us aren't even sure what religion we are—except for Arnie; he won't shut up about becoming an accountant when he grows up," the spokesembryo said, kicking in the general direction of the pregnant Jewish woman in the same room.

The YAF declined to comment for this article, calling the Rival, "Fake News;" a charge our satire section does not deny.