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Five perfect places for a D.C. first date

local culture


George Washington University


- satire

Five perfect places for a D.C. first date

Where to go if you want to impress

Marquis Woods


First dates are incredibly stressful. Whenever one is planned, we stress every detail in hopes that our crush will be amazed by us the entire time and want to go out again. If you're tired of suggesting Gelbucks for every first date, here a few low-key D.C. spots which will definitely surprise your date and show just how in-the-know you truly are.

1. Chuck E. Cheese's (Alexandria, Va.)

Chuck E. Cheese's is a nostalgic paradise that provides a ton of value for your money. Forget overpriced Georgetown dinner and a movie, introduce your date to pizza, cheap beer (yes Chuck E. Cheese's serves beer), and a fascinating animations show starring Charles Entertainment Cheese himself. After the show you can play some Dance Dance Revolution or skeeball while you wait for the germ infested ball pit to clear out. What happens under the balls, stays under the balls. Finally, you can redeem the tickets you won and send your date home with the lovely gift of a pencil case or marbles that will always remind them of this adventure. Worried about getting in without a child? No problem. Just bribe a kid from the School Without Walls to act as your niece/nephew and you're ready to go. Nothing says "ready for date number two" like screaming kids and plastic pizza.

2. Arlington National Cemetery

Sure, most people visit a Smithsonian or the Renwick for a first date, but you aren't most people. What better way to spend time with your crush than honoring the memories and sacrifices of fallen soldiers? You can walk together in silence and contemplate the history before you, plus if you don't speak you can't say anything dumb so that's a win-win. Your date will think you a stoic, thoughtful individual and will jump at the next opportunity to dig deeper into your mind.

3. Shenanigan's Irish Pub

Everyone loves a fun first date, and there's no better place to have a blast than at Shenanigan's in Adams Morgan. For just $20, you and your date can drink until your liver's content from 9-11 p.m. on Friday or Saturday. Normally Shenanigan's fills up pretty quickly so you and your date will spend a lot of time close together. This a perfect time for you to get to know each other, but be warned; if they display any red flags you won't be able to separate from them for at least 40 minutes so be prepared for the long haul. If you happen to create some space, Shenanigan's features a live DJ spinning top 40 hits so you can bust out the dance moves you saw on YouTube. Your date will be so entranced and will want you to teach them these 2012 showstoppers so naturally they'll arrange a second date.

4. Starbucks on E Street

Tired of Gelbucks but still want a stereotypical GW first date experience? Just go to the Starbucks on E. It's the same coffee, but a different layout and staff. I doubt you or your date will even notice, but you can at least make them think you're different than other GW kids. They'll probably say something like "I've always seen this Starbucks but never went in", "this place exists?", or "why didn't we just go to Gelbucks?" Either way at least they'll talk to you and that's a good start.

5. GW Textile Museum

The Textile Museum remains a mystery for a majority of the student population. Since its opening I don't think I've seen a single light on, but somehow there are events constantly hosted there. For this date, I recommend sneaking in after hours (probably like 5 p.m.) and browse the numerous exhibits. Touch King Tut's favorite rug, wrap your date in Ben Franklin's blanket or, if you're looking to take advantage of the solitude, tussle around on the silk sheets of Elvis. I'm not sure if any of these things are in the museum, but hopefully you can confirm or deny after your date.

This list is satirical in nature.