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The 9 guys you'll blow in Thurston this year

humor

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3570
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George Washington University

campus

- satire

The 9 guys you'll blow in Thurston this year

Tag yourself! Collect them all!

Audrey Whitehurst

9.27.17

It's your first year at GWU, you're all settled into your Thurston quad, and you're ready to s some d. Here's what you can expect:

Standard Prep
  • Still has his high school lacrosse stick in his room
  • Don’t know why he wears his Vineyard vines vest when it's 90 degrees, but it kinda turns you on
  • You spend three awkward minutes fiddling with the zipper of his Nantucket red shorts

Post-prep
  • Pretty sure that’s an alt-right haircut but it’s still pretty cute
  • Without fail brings up how that one time he tripped acid in Santa Monica made him understand the massive structural inequities between white and black Americans
  • His insta resembles a high fashion magazine

Athlete
  • Only guy with biceps in your Intro to Comparative Politics class
  • You’re never quite sure what sport he plays (maybe rowing…?)
  • Cool backpack bro!

Proto-campaign manager
  • You were trying to sleep with the proto-candidate, but he had a reputation to worry about
  • Knows how 2016 would have gone if he were running Hillary's campaign
  • Quietly apologizes after he cums

  • Hot leftist
  • A prole dressed like the bourgeois
  • Hooking up with him technically makes you a class traitor
  • Dick wasn’t as woke as he is

The one with weed
  • All you know about him is that he always has weed and he’s currently got his dick in your mouth

Conservative
  • Ambiguous whether or not he voted for Trump
  • Pretty sure he once implied that we should legalize marijuana so I guess...he's not the worst?
  • The one that’s gonna make you gag

Elliott School Dreamboat
  • He’ll tag you in memes about OPEC
  • Plans on interning with the Foreign Service in Brazil, still ends up as a hilltern
  • You make his dick go off like a North Korean Rocket Man

Peter K
  • When you realize just how far you’d go to be on the school’s snap story