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Princess Charlotte already acting out after new middle child status revealed



George Washington University


- satire

Princess Charlotte already acting out after new middle child status revealed

I'm sorry, old Princess Charlotte can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, 'cause she's dead.

Claire Cantrell


LONDON-On September 4, Kensington Palace announced that Princess Charlotte has already begun acting out after the announcement that she will be a middle child. The 2-year-old Princess of Cambridge is reportedly uncontrollably screaming while running through the corridors of her home and refuses to wear anything other than ripped black skinny jeans, according to a source inside the palace.

"As soon as we told Charlotte that she would have a new little brother or sister, she immediately began yelling about how 'life is so unfair' and 'no one understands' her," said her mother, Kate Middleton. "Once she was done arguing with us, she went upstairs and started drawing these freaky ink pictures of stitched up hearts and ripped teddy bears with blood running out of their eyes. It was really bizarre."

This sudden onset of angst is evidently common among the royal family. According to the royal historian, Oliver O'Reilly, Charlotte's great aunt and uncle, Princess Anne and Prince Andrew, respectively, both had similar outbursts upon recognition of their impending middle child status. When O'Reilly was looking through the odd drawings done by Princess Charlotte, he says he found a note stuffed in one of her drawers written in a thick Gothic font that read "MORALITY IS SUBJECTIVE / LIFE IS MEANINGLESS."

When asked about this ominous note, Queen Elizabeth II said that it surprised her, even for Charlotte. "She's always been advanced for her age, but I really don't know how she learned the word 'subjective.' We're still working on animal sounds, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit concerned about her deep philosophical malaise. At the very least she could stop listening to 'Dear Elizabeth' by The Exploited," said her Royal Highness.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, however, believe that this is only a temporary stage. According to the parents, George is already trying to reassure his sister that having a younger sibling isn't really that bad at all. "She's been listening to a lot of My Chemical Romance," George said. "I know all of the lyrics to 'Welcome to the Black Parade' because she listens to it so much, but if she's happy, I'm happy, too."