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Freshman’s ice breaker goes too far; reveals centaur themed-fetish

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George Washington University

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- satire

Freshman’s ice breaker goes too far; reveals centaur themed-fetish

GWU's new Star-Gazing Society abruptly disbanded after revelations surface about freshman's centaur fetish

Frances Roel

J.R. Youngblut

9.11.17


FOGGY BOTTOM—Freshman Isaac Poshkinson sent the first meeting of the nascent George Washington University Star-Gazing Society into chaos after confessing during a routine ice breaker to be a creator of centaur-themed fetish pornography.

“We all started by going around the circle, listing our names, pronouns, years, majors—you know? Basic stuff,” said Alex Brody, freshman and roommate of the perpetrator. “Then we got into ice breakers. With CI, all my new classes, floor meetings, and clubs and stuff, I’ve nailed down the most common sorts of questions. What’s your newest Netflix binge? What are you most excited for at GW? Two truths/One Lie? I’ve got answers to all of them,” said Brody.

"Then we got into ice breakers. With CI, all my new classes, floor meetings, and clubs and stuff, I’ve nailed down the most common sorts of questions."

“I asked everyone the usual fill-in-the-blank questions and then I asked what everyone’s guilty pleasure was. Mine was footie pajamas, which I figured was a cute thing to say,” said Karen Voskes, former president of the Star-Gazing Society.

“I said I draw centaur pornography,” said Poshkinson. “I knew people would not understand the art, craft, and beauty which I so painstakingly devote myself to but alas, c’est la vie. An artist is never understood in his own time.”

After what was apparently a deafening full four minute silence, President Voskes tried to move on to the next person. “It’s my fault, I think,” said Brody. “I needed to ask a follow up question to that. I mean, he’s my roommate and like, I got really scared that like he was going to draw me fucking a centaur at some point and I don't need that on the Internet."

“He asked about the intricacies of my work,” said Poshkinson. “Whether they were real people put onto centaurs bodies or figments of my imagination. I was so touched. It has taken me a very long time to come to terms with my désir du cœur. As a content creator, I do commissions for others in the centaurphile community, but personally I enjoy taking snap-shots of people I see about town and incorporating them into my drawings. You get so much dynamism from a stranger and that works wonderfully when you graft their visage onto a sexy horse body.”

"You get so much dynamism from a stranger and that works wonderfully when you graft their visage onto a sexy horse body.”

The GWU Star-Gazing Society now disbanded in the wake of this scandal and each member hopes to never make eye contact with anyone else who was in that meeting or any equine creatures for the rest of their lives.