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Creepy senior befriends all girls in freshman dorm

human interest


University of Maryland


- satire

Creepy senior befriends all girls in freshman dorm

“Yeah, The Chazz doesn’t have the best hygiene, but he told us about a cool party happening in a satellite,"


Residents of Cambridge Hall were alarmed this week by the ease with which Michael Spencer, a fourth year Supply Chain Management Major, became friends with all of the female residents of Cambridge’s third floor.

Otuwo Smith, the resident assistant for the floor, told us he “appeared one evening and hasn’t left.” No one has seen him do work or go to class. He is ever-present in girls rooms on the floor. “I don’t even think he lives on campus, but somehow he has swipe access.” Continued Smith.

“Where did he even come from?” complained freshman music major, Mariano Cruz. “I keep playing guitar in the common room, but they never come check it out because they’re always with The Chazz. Did I mention that he calls himself The Chazz?”

However, Cruz's feelings about Spencer were not ubiquitous among the residents. Many women on the floor enjoyed spending time with Spencer because of his College Park night life expertise.

A freshman who preferred not to be named confessed to Rival reporters, “It’s kinda weird how he’s always here, but he knows so much about what is going on on campus. Last night he told us about this bar called Bentley’s, and he knows a guy that can get us fake IDs.”

Another freshman resident, Alicia Freedman echoed this sentiment: “Yeah, The Chazz doesn’t have the best hygiene, but he told us about a cool party happening in a satellite. And said he could get us in for free. I said I didn’t want him to spend all that money getting us to outer space, so he took us to a house party instead, but he still got us in for free.”

In Cambridge Hall, Spencer is known for his uncanny ability to get himself and girls into parties; Bridgette Kennedy, a freshman Psychology major, exalted his ability to find the best nightlife on campus: “Yeah, his TA’s sister’s boyfriend’s roommate is a bouncer at Backyard Sports Grill, so he got us in there.”

Although he may be perturbing to some in the residence hall, it does not appear that Spencer will be leaving any time soon. Spencer purchased an air mattress and several posters and has set them up in the common room along with a sign reading "Chateau Le CHAZZ." At this time Spencer has not responded to our request for comment.