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Matthew Grimo

1.20.17

BALTIMORE - Former presidential candidate Martin O’Malley announced plans to launch a country music career in a press conference early this morning, citing the increasingly partisan American political sphere and his desire to wear more cut-off T-shirts.

“My favorite things to talk about are America, my family, and zero tolerance policing,” O’Malley said, “Country music allows me to sing about two of those things.”

O’Malley is perhaps best known for his celtic rock band O’Malley’s March, which reportedly split up because O’Malley was jealous that his bandmates were overshadowing him.

He follows in the footsteps of many high profile celebrities who have “gone country,” which includes Jessica Simpson, Steven Tyler, and the opposite career direction of Taylor Swift.

O’Malley’s first album, titled “15 Goals (for Loving You)” will be released on Election Day, presumably so O’Malley can celebrate something. The album will reportedly include duets with Reba McEntire, Bernie Sanders, and country music legend Loretta Lynch - a cover of her classic hit “Librarian’s Daughter.”

When asked for her thoughts on her former opponent’s turn to country music, Hillary Clinton was quoted as saying, “I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”

Nashville has been abuzz with this news, with many high-profile celebrities weighing in.

“I don’t know, I always hoped Lindsey Graham would go country first,” said superstar and judge on The Voice, Blake Shelton. “He just looks like the personification of a sad country song. And have you ever heard him play the harmonica?”

O’Malley will debut his new single, “Ain’t Gonna Buy Me (1% of the Primary Vote)” at the Grand Ole Opry this Saturday.