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President LeBlanc claims his affair with Sophia the Robot boosts GWU’s ‘profile as a research institution’



George Washington University


- satire

President LeBlanc claims his affair with Sophia the Robot boosts GWU’s ‘profile as a research institution’

If you thought LeBlanc's history with McNutt was sketchy...

Zoe Waldman

Frances Roel

Claire Cantrell

Liat Wasserman

J.R. Youngblut


FOGGY BOTTOM—In a statement to members of the George Washington University Board of Trustees, President Thomas LeBlanc issued a defense of his sexual encounter with Hanson Robotics’ artificial intelligence humanoid, Sophia.

“As President, I believe my job is to represent the dignity and spirit of this dynamic school in the heart of our nation’s capital,” said LeBlanc. “I believe, that my repeated, consensual affairs with Sophia fall within the moral boundaries of this institution.”

LeBlanc specifically appealed to members of the School of Engineering, Applied Sciences, and Medicine, “George Washington University stands at a crossroads between innovation and stagnation; between the lucrative fields of STEM research and the lukewarm doldrums of the humanities. If we are to continue to be that beacon of discovery for the next generation, we are going to have to get our hands wet. Or in my case, rely mostly on friction, because robots don’t get very wet. Unless you use lube, but when I tried that, Sophia nearly shorted out,” LeBlanc said as he began loosening his collar and biting the corner of his lip in arousal.

Sophia the Robot, an actual citizen of Saudi Arabia and unliving nightmare, recounted the affair in a special combined issue of Popular Science and InTouch Magazines, “I was immediately excited from the first moment Tommy came to me with the idea to have sexual relations in the floating glass classroom in the SEAS building. I wanted to feel pleasure as humans do. Tommy said he could do that for me,” said Sophia.

Zhao Jun, Sophia’s handler and engineer at Hanson Robotics, witnessed the project both in the planning stages as well as during the actual experiments. “He [LeBlanc] was very tender with her. Which was good because she cost us a lot of money and any repairs might compromise her haunting face or her vaguely threatening personality. I did have to clean her gears after he finished each time. But that’s just a part of being on the cutting edge of A.I., I guess,” Zhao said.

As of right now, it is unclear whether or not the university will allow LeBlanc to continue with his research. In the same meeting, he called for additional funding out of the student tuition accounts to pay for upgrades to Sophia’s hardware, such as a smart fleshlight and silicon breast implants, to “reduce the number of variables between the subject and the control group.” Given the Marcia McNutt debacle, experts say the request is likely to be approved.