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Towson students still haven't left campus

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University of Maryland

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- satire

Towson students still haven't left campus

Elliot Bromberg

9.12.17

COLLEGE PARK - Reports have been flooding in from all over campus that a significant portion of Towson University students have allegedly refused to leave campus following Saturday's football game, instead attempting to blend in with current UMD students.

"It's pretty common knowledge that every Towson student wants to attend Maryland, but frankly we didn't predict anything like this." said Richard Paxton, an officer from the UMD police station who has been charged with removing Towson students from campus. "I've already removed about a dozen who were aimlessly milling about the fields where the IFC tailgate is held and we're hearing reports of about 6 more who have locked themselves in the bathroom of Bent's and are refusing to come out."

Even more worrisome is the revelation made late Monday by UMD-PD that some Towson students have begun posing as enrolled Maryland students and showing up to classes. Per request of the police department, the Rival has compiled a list of how to spot Towson students who may be masquerading as Terps...

1.) Towson student's may be still be wearing the same clothes from the tailgate and reek from not having showered since Saturday.

2.) Be wary of anyone who is over using the phrase "Go Terps!" or "Wow I sure love Maryland." They may be trying to throw you off the scent!

3.) If you and your friends are roasting Towson and someone says "It's actually an up and coming school" they're definitely a Towson student and should be shamed and reported immediately.

Please report any suspicious activity to 1-800-LOLTOWSON. The sooner these students are removed from this University's beautiful campus, the sooner UMD will be back to it's pristine campus that Marylanders have grown to know and love.